The last day of 2021 is a Friday... Christmas was on a Saturday, New Year's Day is on a Saturday, and they really have the nerve to observe the Holiday on Friday, December 31. Literally on New Year's Eve.
Monday, January 3, 2022, the world will literally go back to running on a "normal schedule". This virus has mutated and this strand that I call "Thee Omar", like dude from the wire... just coming in and clearing shit out... This thing is serious, no joke! Despite having the shots, this strand is highly contagious, and the thousands of people are dying each day, still. Since 2020.
But on Monday, January 3, 2022, the world will go back to running on a normal schedule.
It's ironically wild when you think about it. We are experiencing, "The Great Resignation" during a GLOBAL pandemic, people are dying so frequently that transitioning has turned into a trendy hashtag, funerals are silent music videos, and the trauma that most people are feeling must take a backseat because the show will go on with or without us on Monday, January 3, 2022.
Is it even normal to panic in a pandemic? If so, I am officially losing my shit. I've never cried so much in all my life and some days I honestly don't know WHY I am crying. Yes, I've mourned more times that I care to count since 2020. The funerals became so frequent that I just stopped going to any because I didn't think I could survive another.
I know I can't survive another.
Not right now.
I don't want to normalize this feeling. I don't want to feel bad all the time either. What is the balance?
When will it end?
Will today be the day?
Am I at peace?
What if today was my last day, And none of what I am contributing makes any day feel like the best day?
I would literally have to dismantle majority of my life to start creating the BEST day. The best life. That's a lot to unpack...
Make the best out of making a living until you can make a living from living the best life.
I've been blessed to hear the Creator whisper those words. Either it was that or something Lil Duval said...
Regardless, it makes perfect sense, and this is why I am looking forward to therapy. I know I am still in here; I still have hope and faith, but I need help navigating this horror of a reality.
I need help processing the strength it took to survive 2020, the motivation it took to "grind" in 2021, and till this DAY we are STILL in a pandemic, and you want me to do what with 2022?! Bitch, I can't.
I need a pep talk, I need a coach to get me back in the game, PEOPLE ARE DYING but yet, on Monday, January 3, 2022, the world will go back to running on a normal schedule. But will the people go back to running on a "normal schedule"? #Pandemic2022
I finally reached out to a therapist and realized that you actually have to make an appointment and there is structure because they are not just waiting around for patients... Meanwhile, I am having a complete meltdown, while waiting for the scheduled time and day to virtually meet, and hopefully this can be a start of a relationship that will help me save my life. I honestly don't want to hurt myself but living just seems to take too much effort nowadays. I find myself wondering...
How can I make today the best day? And do I have the strength to apply that effort to tomorrow and so on? I honestly don't know but I am willing to try.
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