She was a child when she fell in love
life seemed so simple
all she knew is her heartbeat grew faster and each time he touched her, she thought she would melt
nobody told her that this isn't how real love felt
not all of the time anyway
she was barely a woman before she committed her heart and soul
she was not experienced to release that much control
She was all that she had
and she gave herself away to another that would treat her
like her loyalty was disposable
like what she gave was replaceable and not at all rare
like her happiness was optional
like she would always be there
one day she changed her mind though
former trespasses she forgave
so the day she said goodbye came to all as a shocking surprise
including her
she was done
there is no comfort to be found
no peace to be had
the damage had been done and time wanted to be free so bad
she found herself chasing sunlight towards the end of their time
what brought him joy began feeling heavy to her
she was no longer fine
her mental health was failing
always attempting to escape
but doubt hung over her head like a dark cloud
she no longer wanted to consider him
she wanted to live out loud
so
she told him she needed space
he said for them that he would fight
he claimed he would never leave
not understanding what he did THAT night
the night he laid with another on more than one occasion
the nights he inserted into some other woman raw
those nights
were the nights their relationship died
and every night she laid with him after knowing about those nights
was one day closer to goodbye.
betrayal does that
dies slow
but first it must grow inside you like weeds to a garden
killing all your flowers and blooms
besetting your soul with being haunted by the memory of love being ignited in your heart only to be ripped out
like the reciprocity of loyalty was never going to count
like all along
what she gave was never going to be returned to her
he had no plans on loving her the way he enjoyed consuming her love
like what she gave was basic
and the thoughts of the light she once was
was the most tragic loss
she wanted it back
she needed space to turn back into who she used to be
or maybe an even better version of herself
she needed space
space to grow wings
space to transform
space to become a butterfly
the freedom to become free.
and he couldn't do it
lead her
to the light
he was no longer the guide
he ruined his opportunity for that
she needed to find her way back to herself
and being with him was slowing down the healing process
because he reminded her of how strong she used to be
before he decided that a series of times that he described as mistakes to break her heart was worth the risk
his love no longer provided freedom
it felt more like quicksand
she realized it was the love of herself that was being mourned
not their relationship
she missed the way she used to stand tall
she missed her ability to trust
she missed her heart being opened
to feel something deeper than lust
she missed the light she used to shine
she missed feeling joy
so
she committed to saving herself and trusting HERSELF once more
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