Is Suicide Selfish?

    

    I was going to do research on the topic so I could better shape my opinion on this matter but, I decided to just write where my feelings take me...

Is suicide selfish?  

I don't know... On one hand I can see why it would be considered selfish by all those who are left behind.  I can see how the ones who connected to you  could feel like the decision should not be left up to you but that leads me to wonder, are they being selfish as well?

As depression rises, insecurities increase, violence floods our communities, and bad news greets you as soon as you open your eyes in the morning, how are people thriving?  Some are.  Others are struggling just to make it through the next 24 hours and while those who love you will  miss you when you are gone, nobody wants the burden of encouraging someone to survive another day, every single day.  Please be honest about that.

I am no stranger to prolonged bouts of sadness, depression, feelings of not belonging.  I know what it feels like to be blessed beyond measure but wonder, "God, can I go now?  What am I really here for?"
I have a hard time seeing the value in my existence more days than I care to admit and if I am just here so people can say that they loved me, that is not enough.  I yearn to make a difference but I really can't find peace interacting with others so how does that work?  The only time I feel normal is when I am writing but how do I do that and make a living?  You are only as valuable as the value you bring to the table, right?

All the judgements, criticisms, and out right disrespect I have to face with being an overweight black woman is crippling some days.  There is no safe space just to be, I must always be extraordinary.  As someone who has considered suicide more than I like to admit, I think asking someone to survive an internal hell on a daily basis just to make you feel better is selfish.  Why would you want a loved one to continue to endure that level of internal anguish?  Just because you can't see it does not mean the feeling is not real in the people you love.

When an animal is hurt beyond repair they call it a compassion kill.  There was nothing else that could be done so the kind thing to do is to put it out of its misery.  How do you explain to a person that feels like that animal in their mind, that they should not show themselves the same kind of compassion?

How do you get them to understand that they are not a burden on everyone they have ever loved?  

So, to answer my own question; I don't think suicide is selfish.  I think that if it is or isn't a selfish act, should not be the question.  The question should be, how do we create a sense of value for everyone where this level of depression cannot thrive because we all feel respected, included, engaged, and an valued as parts of this society?  

How do we encourage those to keep moving forward that feel stuck in quicksand?