Estranged Grief

Art by: @ebonytruth

I recall when we first parted ways; there wasn't a day that I didn't cry.  
Even though you told people around town a thousand times, till this day I still don't understand why.  

Sometimes I wish that I could have the bond we shared once again.  
However, no matter how much it hurts I understand that there must be a reason why it had to end.  

I find myself often praying for you, just to make sure you're ok.  
I always ask God to remind you of our love that silently passed away.  

I lay in bed for hours trying to forget this unbearable pain.  
I swear the more I try to forget, the more I go completely insane.  

Still as I lay in silence I try to trace my steps.  
What did I do?  What did I say?  How could I forget?  

Looking back at what we shared, I didn't always have a smile

But, you must know that I never did you wrong.  You were the parent, I am your child.

I guess what really hurt me is I never got to say goodbye.  
Because every time I would start, I'd just break down and cry.  

Now I think I'm strong enough to say just how I feel, and I say what I mean straight from the heart - believe every word is real.  

Time doesn't heal and you left me to grieve...
Alone, with no guardian. No parent to lead. 

Everything I am you taught me to be,

Was being your child not enough for you to fight for a relationship with me?

I continuously reflect 

I still paid an unforgettable price.
To lose you as a parent, not once but ultimately twice 

breaks my heart daily, every morning I open my eyes.

I am sure the moment you took your last breath that a piece of my soul died.

All I ever wanted to do was make you proud.  Instead, I lost my best friend.

Everything feels weird without you, I wish this wasn't the way it had to end.