Writer's Block

Art by: Andrea Ballo

It happens to the best of us, right?  Writer's block?

I've been blocked for a few weeks now.  Unable to finish a story because reality is so loud that my brain will not allow me to slip into another dimension to bring characters that live in my head to life.  SO, what's been on my mind?  

Respect.

The importance of having respect in all relationships and the detriment of having none.  

I used to think that people who loved me, indeed respected me but recently accepted the fact that love can exist in a space where respect will never dwell.  It is what it is...
As hurtful as that is, it is what it is.

My mental hurdle is how to proceed with relationships I know there is no respect.  

I am finally accepting that I love people that don't respect me.  The old me would have a private funeral for people like this and mourn the loss of their presence in my life but I am growing and have dealt with so many that I love actually dying, it makes me wonder if pushing others away is what will best serve me.

Will pushing away people that I love and respect hurt me more in the long run?  

Is having the respect of someone I love and who loves me a deal breaker?
I have torn my heart, mind, body and soul apart pondering this...  The conclusion?

NO! It will not hurt me more in the long run if I accept it for what it is.

YES! It is a deal breaker to share my life with people that do not respect me.

Yes, I am willing to lose anyone that I love and that loves me back if the respect cannot be reciprocated.

What I know is this:

1. in any relationship where there is a lack of respect, I will be heavily disrespected in the name of love.  
2. The care or concern for my feelings and mental well-being will not be a priority for those who do not respect me.  
3. I cannot negotiate or compromise respect.  I cannot earn it or do anything that will motivate another person to respect me if they don't have that in them when it comes to me. Anyone I have ever had a conversation with about the lack of respect that they give me has followed the same protocol.  They listen, they apologize, and they repeatedly disrespect me in other ways.  
4. What and WHO is for me will not make me feel less than.  I will never feel like I am betraying myself in the company of those I should share space and time with.  I wholeheartedly believe that. This is how you know who is a guide along your path or who is there just to teach you a skill or a lesson you needed to further your journey.  It's not about me, everything is about this journey and I can't muddy up my clear waters trying to force someone to respect me.  There is too much for me to do and my time is getting shorter here, on this earth, in this body, as this person that I my spirit has been blessed to live in.
5. No matter what or who does not respect me, I must respect the opportunity I have been blessed with of being me.  I must nurture and allow the image I was made into to prosper as the loving and respectful individual I am.  It's ok to love and not be involved with those that I love.  They have their journey and personal legend to conquer.

So, in summary, I am learning to accept disrespect as a sign to release and move forward.  It is not my place to convince anyone that I am deserving of their respect.  Nor should I convince myself that love is enough to allow disrespect to bloom in my presence.

In all walks of life, it is my duty to protect and honor myself.  By doing so, I also protect and honor others.

Respectfully.