What's the Word?

Art by: @artpce

Honestly?

My mind is all over the place.  The last time I published a blog was April 9, which was 20 days ago and while I have written every day in those 20 days it's been journaling mostly.

I am in a consistent phase of pondering.  I think this happens annually, around the same time every year, and while I am motivated to master myself somehow I always seem to not notice my consistent patterns while I am experiencing a consistent pattern.  THIS time, I noticed.

Every April I need a 2 week reset.  If I don't clear space for it I shut down and my soul takes the time it needs to adjust to the changes in weather as well as other things, like my mood.  I am starting to realize that when I don't complete things it is also a sign that I am not adjusting well to the new changes that I need to make.  

I look around and I have so many unfinished projects around the house and that is how I feel about life overall right now... Way too many unfinished projects.

I have so much to do at work and would like to get this week kicked off by getting things done.  Checking things off of this ever-growing list of to-do's.  What I do know is that there is only one more day in this month and then it is May.  Almost five months into the year and I am not any closer to many of my goals... I am doing the unseen work but I am not putting in the physical work.  It is time to put in the physical work and get this shit done.  

I have been bullshitting way too long and it's time to put in the work so I can have the life I always dreamed about.  The only one that has been in my way is me and it is time that I allow myself to be exactly who I know I am, who I have always been but keep hidden.  

The fear of staying the same has finally outweighed my fear of change.