Honestly, I don't know if I am coming or going... I really can't believe this is the last week in June, time is passing by swiftly and while things are going well; the speed at which things are going is off-putting.
Dear Life,
Please slow down.
I can't complain though, it is not as if I am wasting time. Shit is getting done indeed but I want the freedom to do the shit I WANT to do.
I am doing everything that I NEED to do, but I am not finding the time to write, think, explore the thoughts, and turn those thoughts into action... I'm just doing shit. All the time, just doing shit.
I am consistently occupied with things and when I am done with those things, I don't feel like doing ANYTHING!
I don't feel like cleaning, washing clothes, and all the other things to maintain the quality of life that brings me the most peace but they are getting done in between doing all of the other shit. I am honestly seeing why people have housekeepers.
How did women work and take care of all the other responsibilities that need to get done?
I don't know but what I do know is, that not working is not an option for me. I actually enjoy this phase of my career, I know it is preparing me for whatever I will be doing for the rest of my life.
I don't know what that is, but I am aware enough to understand that I am in a preparation phase.
Perhaps it will make sense next month or maybe tomorrow but today? Today, I know I just need to keep moving forward and work on balancing all the things that I accept as my responsibility.
The things that I do not accept as my responsibility can no longer take place if I want to move to the next phase with ease. I just want to thrive, this survival mode is played out. And note to self, "YOU HAVE SURVIVED! You can comfortably thrive now."
Prayerfully, I will have more time to blog.
Writing is the only way I thrive and make sense of all that is on my mind. After all, writing IS what brings me the most balance in peace. And while I have not been blogging consistently, I write every day. I write something daily, even if it is just a sentence or one word.
I guess the prayer is not that time slows down but that I use the time I have to nurture the things that bring my soul peace.
I pray I make time for the things that have been put on my spirit to do and not occupy my time with "the grind".
Perhaps, this is the grind... Either way, I feel at ease just to have the ability to express that I am overwhelmed and ready to nurture the things that bring me joy.
If I publish tomorrow then you know I am really taking the initiative to embrace that this is what I find the most joy in doing even if it is just me reading the words back to myself.
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