Constant Consideration

   

Artist Unknown

This weekend I had a really good cry.  

One of the ugly ones that not only cleanses your soul but purges all of the... 'ugh', for a lack of a better word, out of your spirit.

It feels like everything is happening at once and I like to think my way through but life is twisting and turning so fast that there is no time to think.  I need to act quickly because naturally, I am a thinker - the call to act quickly is stressing me the fuck out.  

I also wasn't sure about the people closest to me and what was happening with them. Felt as if everyone had their own agenda and I keep attempting to consider them when I think about me and my life.  It's a lonely feeling to attempt to think about a team when everyone else is thinking about their solo life.  It's exhausting and frustrating to always be the one that is consistently considering everyone even when you have to exclude considering yourself FIRST.  

Made me think of something that I heard before, 

"There is no "I" in TEAM but there is a "M & E".  

I have to always and in all ways, stay in constant consideration of myself.  Even when it hurts, even when it feels selfish, even when I would like to make the best moves for everyone involved.  If I am moving correctly, everyone should feel honored by the decisions I made for myself because they should bless everyone on the team.  If they don't, the team should understand the longevity of the move; right?  That is the dream.
The dream is that everyone who should be on the team will see the long game and understand that while each move may not appear to be the best at the moment, I am always in consideration of what is best for us all and by honoring myself, I hope it is known that I am also honoring others.  The tears helped me understand that I just want that type of consideration reciprocated.  The tears allowed me to clear out the worry that others just don't get it and helped me find peace in how I want to be the best but I also dream the best for the team I have been blessed with.  I just pray that those I see a future with can also see me as a part of theirs.  I pray we all stay in constant consideration of the team because that is what real dreams are made of, the people who you are blessed to build with.